As I sit here with a trusty cup of tea & with only 9 hours left of 2013 I feel various emotions. Most of all though, I feel relief, relief that this year is almost over. It's fair to say it's not been the best.
January was spent wrecked with worry and fear about my dad's health. Trying to come to terms with the fact that he possibly had lung cancer. When faced with such thoughts you change as a person. My worries and fears about life changed in a heartbeat. I learnt what was truly important in life, your health. Nothing, absolutely nothing is more important than good health. Something we all forget on a daily basis in a world that is so obsessed with material possessions. Early in the year B's Aunty died, for quite a while life felt very grey. Then B's Uncle died very suddenly and unexpectedly in May, two weeks after I had met him for the first time. This again was a reminder of our own mortality & just how precious life is. It was a truly
difficult and sad time.
From March to July things got a bit better. Dad didn't have lung cancer, we found our new home & were thrown into the world of interior design & picking out fixtures and fittings for our home. It was a dream come true and I enjoyed every second. Knowing that our 'long' distance relationship was coming to an end was something I'd always dreamt of. The idea of not living out of a suitcase and no more late night / early morning drives down the M62 was heaven! And to this very day, living together is everything I hoped it would be, and more. Building a home with the man that you love is a dream come true. It took a bit of getting used to for me, after living at home for 25 years! But I absolutely love it.
Then in July came the worst news possible. My mum had Breast Cancer. On the day she was diagnosed I wrote in my diary "Life has changed in a single second. Nothing will ever be the same again." And this is true.
So, 2013. You gave me a dream come true, you gave me relief and joy in my dad being ok, and you then broke my heart and my soul. Honestly, ever since my mums diagnosis something within me has changed. I was so utterly shattered by the news and so heartbroken. I don't see the world as cheerfully as I once did. I'm always aware of how quickly things can change in life.
However this experience has it's positives. I am so much stronger mentally than I have ever been. I was by my mums side very step of the way, I made her smile when all I wanted to do was sob my heart out. Mums are always the one who give you a big hug, telling you everything is going to be ok. I couldn't get this reassurance from my Mum, I was the one reassuring her. Seeing your own mum afraid & upset is horrendous. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. From somewhere I found my inner strength to keep going, to keep smiling when everything felt hopeless. I kept my mum positive & I supported my Dad to deal with it all. I am proud of myself for that.
I am also grateful that Mum, as far as we know, is doing just fine. I know it could have been an awful lot worse. My Mum is my hero, she dealt with it all with courage and immense strength. I'm proud to be her daughter.
So 2013 has taught me so many lessons. Appreciate every single second of life, go after your dreams, love like there's no tomorrow. Be thankful for your health, treasure it, for it's the single most important thing in your life.
I know who I am now, I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. I don't get stressed out by pointless things. So for that, thank you 2013. We'll bring 2014 in for the first time in our home together me & B. A new year, in a new home. A new start.
But please 2014, I beg you to be kinder to everyone that I love. Please.
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